We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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