Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
