your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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