Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
