if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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