well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
