I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
