so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
