walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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