k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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