im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
