your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize
