Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
there is glitter all over my balls
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize