I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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