I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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