He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
