You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
