Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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