We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
