i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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