What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
