i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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