The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
