He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize