we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
