Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
