woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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