One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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