Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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