what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
