She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm always down for nudity.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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