whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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