toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i just google imaged poop.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
