Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
