she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
