Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
