DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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