my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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