You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
