Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize