rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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