All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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