Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
