My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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