you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
