I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
