My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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