That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
