yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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