jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
