It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
The beer is more important than you right now.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
