It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
MIDGETS
????
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
