and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
