i think i have two assholes
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
