dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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