New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
