Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
