Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
