My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
