She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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