Pants 0. Shit 1.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
