she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
