remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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