i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
