I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
