Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize