In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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