I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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