sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
The maid of honor just puked.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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