All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
