I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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