so explain again why im purple
no
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
