VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
