Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
