Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
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